i struggle with trying to find purpose in life. my mind turns faster than my movement. i am impulsive. when i am having a ‘down’ day, i start to crave things. i want to buy things that i do not need to help fill up the ego of my fantasy self.
can you think of a way you feed your fantasy self? a fantasy self is the side of yourself that you see in your “goals”.
let’s see - someday i will accomplish blah blah and my future enriched self will wear this item, she will use this camera and she will definitely need such and such for the vacation she hasn’t bought yet.
she will buy that vacation - don’t worry, she’s just busy saving now.
she will keep clothes that don’t fit her because someday she will lose the weight and fantasy self can step back into those small flattering jeans - maybe.
but maybe when we reach that fantasy self, fantasy self won’t even want to wear those old fucking jeans. maybe fantasy trip to italy is no longer even in her mind and now wants a trip to greece. maybe fantasy self doesn’t need a dslr because her iphone is taking fantastic pictures - and it’s oh so compact.
what i’m getting at is this - we hold on to possessions and ways of being to support some fantasy version of who we wish to be. but we forget who we are.
i mean right at this moment.
we’re so busy thinking about the anxieties of who we want to become...maybe we should take a step back and see what’s happening at this moment. what if we focus on living one day at a time. maybe we create boundaries on our idea of fantasy self and start to truly high five our whole self, the one who we get to be every moment of right now.
that’s where i’m at right now. i recently bought a new camera on an off week which was last week. last week i was envisioning how i would feel with this specific camera. i loved it for how small and efficient it was. i obsessed about it. i watched a million youtube videos on it and when i got it, i was excited. it’s less than a week later and i want to return it because i realize how much i already love my big and heavy dslr.
our emotions are so tricky. when we are down, we sometimes imagine how much better our day would be if fantasy self had a new item to add to our sad day....when in reality sad days pass and no amount of material possessions will cure that feeling for longer than a moment.
i’m trying to live without regret. i know that i must return this and i will feel better financially. i know that last week i was just having a down week and that it’s okay to have it. i can’t run from my feelings but i can acknowledge them.
things i am working on:
- return impulsive items that do not serve my reality self.
- when i have the chance - get out into nature, it’s free and always makes my day better.
- try to go to yoga 4-5 times a week and have the intention of “ground down”.
- spend more meaningful one on one time with my love.
- don’t watch the news - don’t give my opinion on the news - as i don’t believe everything the media suggests we believe in.
- give away all items of clothing that are either too big, too small or don’t match who i am today.
- ask friends and family to no longer gift me material objects but experiences instead.
- build savings account
- keep all of my clothing for my company, Choose Mountains in a storage unit. keeping work separate from home is very important for me right now.
- daily gratitude lists
- only surround myself with positive people that bring joy to my life
- stop worrying about what people think of me
- take more photographs
- buy replacement pieces for broken things, rather than buy entire new items, especially when things can be fixed!
- take workshops or classes for things i’d like to learn.
i believe we are all on different journeys and my journey may be quite different than others reading this. i think it’s great to always check in with yourself and make sure you are living and thriving within the reality of who you are today and not daydreaming of who you wish to be in the future. it’s a beautiful thing to water the grass we already stand on, then wish it looked like our neighbors lawn.