true north

Photo Journal

Welcoming 2018 - Without Filters

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I recently stumbled across an old app where I used to write all of my blogposts for an old website that I had for about 6 years. I blogged at least once a week for 7 YEARS!!!!! I think people appreciated it a lot because I really just used it as an open journal of my life. This app had so many drafts from all of my old blog posts and I found myself reading through so many of them with a smile on my face. It inspired me showing up again on here.

It was called tiarefitness.com and then later changed to tiareexplores.com - it always felt that it either had to be a blog about working out (which I'm obsessed with so that was easy) or it was the beginning of my outdoor adventures. 

I talked about my explorations, my yoga challenges, my yoga teacher training, my alcoholism, my DUI's, jail, running, eating disorders, sobriety and then I deleted it. Just like that goodbye last 7 years. I have never been able to hold on to a real diary because once a chapter passed in my life, THE DIARY LITERALLY WOULD GET TOSSED AWAY too. It's just like clutter....it's uncomfortable just knowing that it's there. That's how my old blogposts felt after awhile...once my life had changed, it'd be "Internet Clutter".

My new goal for 2018 is to share my life with whoever wants to read about it (you bored mother-effers) and I'm not going to filter this. If you're here it's probably because you're a longtime follower or a close friend. I never spent time on my old blog "thinking" of what I should write on it. I never proofread anything and I'm horrible with grammar and I'll never try to sound poetic.

Side note from the previous blogs on this page....I am not vegan anymore. I never did it because I was trying to save all the animals in the world, I just have the most sensitive stomach ever so I was seeing if it would work for me. It doesn't at this moment - I am too lazy to make it work and I am not feeling sorry about it either. I always felt tired and I had real life daydreams about eggs. Sorry vegans! I still practice minimalism though. I moved in with my boyfriend last month and we have both been on this amazing journey or decluttering and only living with what is necessary. It has definitely been a work in progress.

 

2018 for me is about getting out of my comfort zone. What I see on the 2018 horizon is Hawaii in 10ish days, Costa Rica, a climbing trip in Cali, a marathon in Bend, a trial race in Smith Rock, and hopefully fingers crossed.....BALI. I am not sure if I will make everything work but that is not for me to overanalyze right this moment. I write this here to remind myself that these are the things I want right now. 

The Costa Rica trip is a trail running yoga retreat --I am nervous about it because I love to trail run but feel like I am slow and "not a real runner" if a lot of you ever feel that way...you get me. The thought of trail running with a bunch of stranger that may be crazy ultra runners makes my hair stand tall but I'm trying to push through that discomfort. I hate change....so I'm trying to welcome it.

I would like to do something this year that brings more people together...I am not sure how I'm going to make this work or if it will be mountains-related or maybe yoga-related. I am constantly spinning with new ideas but sometimes doing so makes me drop all the current spinning ideas which literally gets me nowhere. So this is on pause for now. Another thing I am doing is hopefully setting up more opportunities to create or take photos of people. It gets me down when living in Seattle means living in a constant downpour...but I'd like to make somethings happen soon. 

Anyway there is your update, internet land.

Minimalism

recognizing our ‘fantasy self’

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i struggle with trying to find purpose in life. my mind turns faster than my movement. i am impulsive. when i am having a ‘down’ day, i start to crave things. i want to buy things that i do not need to help fill up the ego of my fantasy self.

can you think of a way you feed your fantasy self? a fantasy self is the side of yourself that you see in your “goals”.

let’s see - someday i will accomplish blah blah and my future enriched self will wear this item, she will use this camera and she will definitely need such and such for the vacation she hasn’t bought yet.

she will buy that vacation - don’t worry, she’s just busy saving now.

she will keep clothes that don’t fit her because someday she will lose the weight and fantasy self can step back into those small flattering jeans - maybe.

 

but maybe when we reach that fantasy self, fantasy self won’t even want to wear those old fucking jeans. maybe fantasy trip to italy is no longer even in her mind and now wants a trip to greece. maybe fantasy self doesn’t need a dslr because her iphone is taking fantastic pictures - and it’s oh so compact.

 

what i’m getting at is this - we hold on to possessions and ways of being to support some fantasy version of who we wish to be. but we forget who we are.

right now.

i mean right at this moment.

 

we’re so busy thinking about the anxieties of who we want to become...maybe we should take a step back and see what’s happening at this moment. what if we focus on living one day at a time. maybe we create boundaries on our idea of fantasy self and start to truly high five our whole self, the one who we get to be every moment of right now.

 

 

that’s where i’m at right now. i recently bought a new camera on an off week which was last week. last week i was envisioning how i would feel with this specific camera. i loved it for how small and efficient it was. i obsessed about it. i watched a million youtube videos on it and when i got it, i was excited. it’s less than a week later and i want to return it because i realize how much i already love my big and heavy dslr.

 

our emotions are so tricky. when we are down,  we sometimes imagine how much better our day would be if fantasy self had a new item to add to our sad day....when in reality sad days pass and no amount of material possessions will cure that feeling for longer than a moment.

 

i’m trying to live without regret. i know that i must return this and i will feel better financially. i know that last week i was just having a down week and that it’s okay to have it. i can’t run from my feelings but i can acknowledge them.

 

things i am working on:

 

  1. return impulsive items that do not serve my reality self.
  2. when i have the chance - get out into nature, it’s free and always makes my day better.
  3. try to go to yoga 4-5 times a week and have the intention of “ground down”.
  4. spend more meaningful one on one time with my love.
  5. don’t watch the news - don’t give my opinion on the news - as i don’t believe everything the media suggests we believe in.
  6. give away all items of clothing that are either too big, too small or don’t match who i am today.
  7. ask friends and family to no longer gift me material objects but experiences instead.
  8. build savings account
  9. keep all of my clothing for my company, Choose Mountains in a storage unit. keeping work separate from home is very important for me right now.
  10. daily gratitude lists
  11. only surround myself with positive people that bring joy to my life
  12. stop worrying about what people think of me
  13. take more photographs
  14. buy replacement pieces for broken things, rather than buy entire new items, especially when things can be fixed!
  15. take workshops or classes for things i’d like to learn.

 

i believe we are all on different journeys and my journey may be quite different than others reading this. i think it’s great to always check in with yourself and make sure you are living and thriving within the reality of who you are today and not daydreaming of who you wish to be in the future. it’s a beautiful thing to water the grass we already stand on, then wish it looked like our neighbors lawn.

True North

hello beginnings

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someone once told me - if you want to be a writer, then write. 

i suppose this is the case for everything else....if you want to be a photographer, start taking photographs.  

And what the hell is "true northentic"

i am a yoga teacher when I'm not on the interwebs. I went through baron baptiste training and he likes to talk about "true north". Finding your true authentic purpose. 

Being your most authentic self becomes your new way of being...you don't need to pretend or wish you are anything different than who you are - you just embrace all of you. 

ALL OF YOU. 

that's what I've focused on this year. That's what I want to share with others...how to get to a place in your personal life, yoga practice or form of business where you are operating from your heart. When we operate from the creative spaces of our heart, we can create content that moves us and moves others. This creates our true north, and with the 'entice portion, well by now you may realize it just combines the word: authentic. I will unravel more over time. 

But for now, here is a small fragment of the compass I will show you over time.  

I will save another blog for more. 

// xoxo - T